My first half marathon

I haven't posted in a while, but that's because I haven't done anything. Until yesterday, that is. Yesterday was the day that I ran (sort of) my first half marathon.

I'm going to start with the finish and work back to the start. Basically the finish goes something like this: run, cry, cross finish line, cry some more, want to sit down and rock back and forth. When we crossed the line they were right there handing out the medals. I really just wanted to take it from her, but she insisted on putting it over my head. I was really annoyed by that for some reason. I think I just wanted to get off my feet.

The middle: sucked. I made a big training mistake and didn't run for two weeks. Let me tell you something. Don't do that. Keep running. Do a proper taper. Then it won't be awful. I mean, it's still running 13.1 miles, but it won't be as terrible. Your muscles won't have to remember everything. We did rock out to some jams at the last two miles. It made me, and the other runners around us, smile. That was fun (thank you LMFAO).

The beginning: I was expecting more adrenaline. I met up with the person I know through work who was running. We all lined up with the 2:45 pacer (ha!) and watched as the elite athletes took off. Then we made our way out the chute and up the hill. It was a good start and there were a lot of people who were fun to talk to and motivate/receive motivation from!

The reason I signed up for this race was because it had a four hour cut off time. I used three hours and thirty minutes of that allotted time. I'm not supposed to be disappointed in myself because it's my very first race and the furthest distance I've ever gone before, but I am. I can't blame anything but myself. Were there distractions the two weeks prior to the race? Yes, of course. Are there going to be distractions in the two weeks before my next race? I'm certain there will be. But you know what? Just because I didn't finish in the time that I wanted to for this race doesn't mean that I didn't accomplish something huge for myself.

I'm a half-marathoner. The run was hard. I had my own personal cheerleader that wouldn't let me quit. I can't be certain that I would have done as well as I did without her. My mom and my husband drove all over Nashville navigating back roads to pop up in spots to cheer us on! Seeing them meant more than I could put into words. Knowing they are there just for you. It's crazy to think about, really.

Today I'm not really any more or less sore than I have been after other long runs. My hips are more tight and the arch area (it's very difficult to describe) of my left foot hurts pretty badly. I had a stitch for most of the run and had pretty bad muscle tightness in my shoulder blade area on my right side for the whole run. I think I over compensated and hurt myself because of that.

I've moved around a lot today, as well. I went shopping with my mother-in-law and did some video work with David for his project. I was hoping that would help me stay loose. I also texted my trainer to see when I could get back in with him to get started weight training again. I don't want to lose any momentum I've got, and I want to start toning up a bit, too.

After all, my next half is only 7 weeks away and this one has a three hour cutoff.

I have a confession to make...

...I'm kind of losing interest in my training. My race is in 16 days. How the hell can I be losing interest in training for it? Well, let me tell you.

I tried, and failed, to run 10 miles on Saturday last week. It was by far the worst training run I've ever had. Ever. It totally screwed with my head. I got 6 miles in before I started feeling like a failure. I tried to run a few more times, made it my four minutes, and then just crapped out.

I cried and cried and cried. Poor David. We walked 4 miles. It took f-o-r-e-v-e-r. I've received a lot of it's okay's and you can do it's since then, but I don't think that I'm convinced yet.

My plan is to do the same 10 miles again this weekend. Well, maybe not the same 10 miles. I think I need to get off my greenway and run a different route.

Sixteen days, people. How does one reinvigorate oneself to get back in the game? The race has a 4 hour cutoff. I'm not worried about making that time. I'm worried about making it in 3 hours. Some of you may think that 3 hours is slow, but that's a great time and consistent pace for me. I have a super secret goal (which I may have mentioned before) that I hope I meet, but my public goal is under 3 hours. If I can't finish running 10 miles in 2.5 hours, how in the hell am I going to get 13.1 in under 3?

I've got a friend flying down to run this race with me. She's modifying her running to match what I do. Who in their right mind does that for someone who can't even get ten miles in? Oi vey. She's very supportive. She told me that I've got 3 weeks to get my mileage in. What am I going to do if I can't finish 10 miles? There's still a 5k to finish after that. I'm literally getting more and more exasperated as I type this. This is ridiculous.

On a different note (sort of, well, not really) my Google Reader tonight had blog posts from all sorts of different people about being a runner and how great it is. And it reminded me of that post I wrote a few weeks ago where I was praising myself for being an athlete. Pssssh! I'm a fraud. I'm talking the talk, but I'm certainly not running the run (!). I'm going to finish this out because I have to. I'm so scared that I'm going to fail, and fail big time. That's what reading those blogs has done to me. I normally get really motivated from seeing what other people are doing and how they are succeeding, but not tonight. Tonight it makes me want to crawl under the bed and hide from the fact that this race is going to prove to the world that I'm a fake.

Not only is everyone going to know that I can't do what I say I'm going to do, but people are going to be incredibly disappointed in me. And that is one of the things that I hate the most in life: disappointing people who truly care about me.

Either way, if I can run the 13.1 or if I can't, there is one thing that I know for certain:

My question to you is: Why is it so damn hard?